As
we enter the holiday season, we face unique challenges as captioners. Hoe, Hoe, Hoe and all that. Suddenly, I have to throw and asterisk into a
seemingly innocent stroke HOE to get Ho, Ho, Ho. I have to make sure Santa Claus is in my
dictionary so I don’t get “Santa clause,” unless of course the Tim Allen movie
is being referred to, in which case I must write “SAN/TA SP-S KLAUZ,” where SP-S
is my stroke for “space,” because if you have kids and/or you’ve seen the
movie, you know the title is “Santa Clause 2.”
Cute play on words but a nightmare for a captioner.
Along
the same lines but unrelated to the holidays, I got “killed” this morning on
nursery rhymes. Since I write “occurred”
KURD (the following will illustrate why such briefs are a bad idea), I must
write Kurd (people from Kurdistan) K*URD.
And who knew I’d actually need a stroke for “curd,” as in “curds and
whey,” not to mention a stroke for “whey”?
I write “way” WAEU, “weigh” WAE, and the suffix “~way” WA*EU. I’m quite proud of this solution to all these
“ways,” I might add. Not so proud after
this morning’s unexpected news report about a Mother Goose parade in San Diego,
where the reporter challenged parade-goers to finish popular nursery
rhymes. It went something like this (the
blue represents an untran):
>> LITTLE JACK HORNER SAT IN THE CORNER.
>> EATING CRURDS
AND WAY.
>> THAT'S LITTLE MISS MUFFET.
I
had a good idea to use my KR- (phonetically defined as CR-) to try to achieve
“curds,” which I use for other conflicts like “cell” KREL and “ceiling”
KRAOELG, but it wasn’t in my dictionary, so it didn’t work. I was actually mad at myself that it wasn’t
in my dictionary, because believe it or not, “curds and whey” actually came up
once before in the last few months. I
was also disappointed that “whey” wasn’t in my dictionary. Even if it were, though, I wouldn’t have
written it correctly, because I mistakenly thought it was spelled “wey.” At the next commercial break, I looked it up
and decided on WHA*EU for “whey.” Now, I
just hope next time it comes up, I’ll remember KRURD/S and WHA*EU!
>> LITTLE JACK HORNER --
>> SAT IN THE CORNER.
>> LITTLE JACK HORNER SAT IN A CORNER EATING
HIS CHRISTMAS PIE, STUCK IN HIS THUMB AND PULLED OUT A PLUM AND SAID WHAT A
GOOD BOY AM I.
>> PETER, PETER PUMPKIN EATER.
>> HAD A WIFE AND COULDN'T EAT HER.
OR COULDN'T KEEP HER.
>> NO, THAT WOULD BE HANNIBAL, HANNIBAL.
>> HEY DEADLE DEADLE --
>> CAT AND THE FIDEL.
The
stroke DEUD was globaled as “dead”; hence DEADLE. And FEUD/L was globaled as Fidel. I don’t think the nursery rhyme was referring
to Fidel Castro’s cat.
>> NO, THE CANDLE RAN AROUND THE SPOON.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MUST BE THE ALTITUDE IN EL CAJON.
>> HEY, DIDDLE DIDDLE --
>> COME BLOW YOUR FIDDLE?
I DON'T KNOW.
A
good captioner never makes the same mistake twice. I had the good sense to throw in an asterisk
this time on the DEUD stroke and another one on the final “L” stroke on FEUD/L
for a perfect translation. Whew!
>> MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB?
>> AS FLEECE AS WHITE AS SNOW.
SHE --
[ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T REMEMBER.
Admittedly,
I was clenching my teeth as I wrote “fleece,” afraid it was going to translate
as a misstroke for “nice” or something.
But voila! Fleece it was!
>> BA BA BLACK SHEEP.
>> RAN AWAY.
I
would have liked to have seen “bah, bah, black sheep,” but at least I didn’t
end up with a communist dictatorJ!
To
wrap up, I suggest we all enter into our dictionary the various holidays and
holiday terms, because they’re bound to come up at one time or another. Here’s a list I’ve compiled, but I’m sure
I’ve left something out, and I apologize in advance if I have.
Rosh Hashanah
Yom Kippur
Hanukkah
Hanukah
dreidel
Menorah
Passover
St. Lucia
Lussekatt buns
Gingersnaps
Kwanzaa
Dr. Maulana Ron Karenga
Nguzo Saba
Habari Gani?
Ramadan
Allah
siyaam
Eid ul-Fitr
Quran
Christmas
Santa Claus
reindeer
yuletide
Winter Solstice
Yule
mistletoe
New
Year’s
Auld Lang Syne
Rose Bowl
millennium
Happy Chanukah, Yuletide Greetings, Happy
Winter Solstice, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, Feliz Navidad, Habari Gani?!